Did I Date the Same Guy Twice?

You came along unexpectedly.  I knew you were an alright guy already, so I added you on Facebook. After a while, we started talking through Facebook, but then got to talking a lot over text and on the phone, and we both admitted that it was great talking to each other.

You usually woke up before me because of work; I loved waking up in the morning and seeing that I already had a sweet message from you to read before I went to class.

Then we went on our first date and it was such a nice night. I thought about you constantly after that, and when you asked me to be your girlfriend, I happily said yes.

Things were fantastic after that. You were that most amazing guy I’ve ever known and treated me so well. I was so happy to have someone like you in my life.

But then things started getting busy with work.  And the fact that you had to move out and look for your own apartment didn’t help either.  But the work thing was killing you. It made it so that sweet, amazing guy I once knew wasn’t really there anymore. When I hung out with you or talked to you, it’s like I was with a completely different person.  You were so unhappy, tired, and stressed, and I hated seeing you like that, because I really did care about you.  I know I told you that I would never penalize you for doing your job, but when you started treating me differently because of it, I couldn’t be happy like that.  And you saw that. So you texted me one day, saying that you couldn’t do it anymore and that the whole situation was unfair to me, because you wanted to give me more of your time, but you couldn’t. So you said that it would be best for me if we took a break. Of course I cried after receiving this text, but you insisted that when things settled down with you, we would come back to it… And now here I am.

This paragraph is written toward two completely different guys.  I had two guys who don’t even know each other do the same exact thing to me within 5 months of each other.  And I handled both situations differently, but still ended up in the same spot.  And guys wonder why us girls think all guys are the same? 

And this is why I have lost all trust in people, especially the entire male species, and also, my hope that true love really exists is pretty close to dead.  

Guy Rant: Should've Been Expecting One of These Eventually

I'm convinced that guys possess a special talent.  What is this talent?
Somehow, guys have some way of getting into your head and finding out when you're getting on perfectly well without him.  When you're happy, and your life is great, and you're just about over him, he knows. Don't ask me how, but he does.  And then at this peak moment of greatness, he may text, or call, or Facebook you a message that, even if meant innocently, can take you off of that high in a heartbeat.

Can someone please tell me how guys know this stuff? Especially when he doesn't even have you on Facebook, and you haven't talked to him in weeks, so there's really not much of a way for him to find out exactly how well and great you're doing.  Like, do they just get this intuition or something?  Some little voice in the back of their head that's all like, 

"She seems to be doing pretty well... Text her and tell her you miss her, and screw it up."

And then the girl just sits there in the same position with the same mind-effing, confused feelings she possessed about a month ago.
And then she writes a blog post about it, because she really just does not know what to do about it anymore.

I typically don't like posting stuff like this on here, but it has gotten to the point that I am just beginning to strongly dislike the male species.  Sorry to any guys potentially reading this if you get offended, but all guys are the same.  This is the fourth consecutive guy who has messed with my head immensely, and possibly just use me, and I keep trying to get away from guys who do that, but it's at the point where I'm convinced that all guys are just like that.  And if you want to argue that they're not, then I guess I'm just attracted to assholes. Which needs to stop ASAP.

I have never felt this strongly about a guy before, and I honestly don't even know what exactly that feeling even is. Good? Bad? Flat out pissed? No idea. Part of me wants to keep him in my life, but I feel like an  even bigger part just wants him out of it completely. Which one do you choose when you're at the point that a regular friendship is not a possible option? Cause we tried that, and I ended up going with the latter of just not talking to him completely. And then today happened. And now I'm right back where I'm started.

Where is that one guy who is supposed to prove to me they're not all the same?

I'm patiently waiting for you.

Just an Update: I Love My Life

So, long time no write. It's been a busy summer, but unfortunately, Project 365 was a fail. My old computer crashed after returning from my internship in New York, and I had no way of getting pictures up for a little over 2 weeks, so I completely lost track of them. But I have a new computer now and I actually lost 2 or 3 of those pictures anyway, but I'm happy that project at least lasted a month and a half.

Another update, I finally got a new job which means I have crossed t

he last thing off my 'Happy List':

-Change my major to something that I love: Check.

-Drop the guy that has been dragging me down and treating me like shit for 3 years: Check.

-Do something life changing and experience something completely new and differ

ent: Check.

-Get a new job that's FINALLY not in fast food: Check!

-And realize what I want and need in my life and continue to be a happy, strong, and independent person and try to have a good impact on others: Check.

I seriously feel like nothing can bring me down at this point. I've been through so much crap in the past year that I feel stronger and happier than I've ever been. I've be

en blessed with a wonderful family, amazing friends, and so many appreciated things in my life. The past year and all the different experiences I've been trough helped me gain a new appreciation for a lot of the things I have in my life. I've also learned some lessons about who I can trust, and who to listen to, and to be a little hesitant before believing what I'm told.

Sure, there's still some things to complain about, but that's just me, haha. For example, my asshole of an ex-boyfriend insists on remaining immature about the whole situation which includes spreading horrible lies about me, purposely trying to cause conflict among our group of friends, being two-faced between me and our group of friends (acting cool to my face, but telling them he never wants to see me again. Really? Grow up.), and just bei

ng his sketchy, lying, bipolar self. He's so manipulative and being his friend at this point has just become an inconvenience and an unneeded stress in my otherwise happy life. Seriously, I'm done with guys, they're nothing but trouble ;) My summer of being single is going wonderfully without them. I've already been to New York for my internship, Virginia to see my parents, and Delaware to go to the beach with one of my good friends, and I still have 2 more trips planned to Philly to see my best friend and college roommate, and New Jersey with another best friend of mine to see her college roommate =) Not to mention, my birthday, warped tour, Harry Potter premier, and just spending some great times with my best friends.

Yes this summer has been amazing and life changing for me and I can honestly say I feel the happiest I have in a very long time and I am enjoying every day of

it <3

*And on another note, it just wouldn't be me if I didn't throw some huge complaint in here about something.... Dear Casey Anthony, You can burn in hell =)

Pale and Proud!

So, summertime is here and there's something that's bothering me that tends to bother me every year around this time:

Those damn tan girls.

Cosmopolitan Magazine on Facebook posted something this afternoon that really ticked me off, it went like this:
"Who has a spray/bottle tan and is proud of it? Give this post the thumbs up if you're not baking your skin at the tanning salon..."

Really? Me and a surprising amount of other pale (or to put it nicely, fair skinned) girls commented on this, outraged that a magazine that is dedicated to making girls feel good about themselves is encouraging those girls to be fake just so they can conform to the summer look they're expected to achieve. Why is every girl expected to be tan?!

NEWSFLASH: PALE AND FRECKLED GIRLS ARE EVERY BIT AS BEAUTIFUL AS TAN GIRLS!
We'll especially be more beautiful in 3o years when those tan girls have saggy wrinkled skin and melanoma and our skin is still looking younger and fresh. We will continue to slather sunscreen on our easily burning skin and embrace our paleness and freckles! I would just like to share a few of the comments on here, because it makes me so happy to know there's other girls out there like me who are happy in their fair skin and refuse to conform to this fake tan crap =)

First, myself:

"Actually, I'm totally pale and I'm proud of it. I don't need a real cancer causing tan or a fake tan out of a bottle to feel good about my skin. I'm pale and freckled and proud of it! You can keep your fake tan in a can."

And the rest of these wonderful girls:

"How about who isn't fake AT ALL and proud of it :) Pale pride!"

"Guess what? I don't have a tan at all. I embrace my natural skin tone. I wear sunscreen and I don't bake my ass off. I don't go to tanning booths or do I spray my skin with toxins. I am me, and Im proud of it."

"Pale pride!"

"Love how they all say "don't care, fake baked and proud" now but we'll be the ones donating a dollar to find a cure for their skin cancer. I know it seems so attractive now, but please love yourself enough to care that you're practically killing yourself."

"i love my pale skin freckles & all.. i embrace my skin.. besides i have very fair skin & burn easily.. i always wear sunscreen.. and livin in houston i wear the highest number i can.. and those of u who tan if u want ur skin lookin like old shoe leather than go ahead.. not me uh uh!! go all us who embrace our paleness!! :)"

"I am very proud of my body no matter my size, height, complexion i am happy to be me and i will not change my image to please anybody else"

I absolutely love that there's girls out there who agree with me on this. I also wrote an email to Cosmo regarding this, basically stating that instead of wasting pages to teach girls how to fake a tan, use those pages to teach them how to be comfortable in their own skin. For a magazine who is all about telling girls how to be "Fun and Fearless", they need to start teaching girls how to have fun in the body they were born in and be fearless if anyone criticizes their pale skin and freckles.

The magazines, the media, this superficial country needs to realize that this tan skin thing is pathetic. Every girl is beautiful no matter what color her skin is. I'm so sick of skin tones (fair, olive, golden, dark) being treated like they're different races! We are all beautiful women living in our own beautiful skin. This is the skin you were born in and this is the skin you will be living in the rest of your life. Stop ruining it with all this unprotected UV exposure and all these chemicals and dyes found in fake tanners!

"I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was Born This Way." <3

Project 365: Days 47-50;; Last Night In Buffalo!

So, I'm finally down to my last night in Buffalo. I must say, it was quite a unique experience. Though this city is cold and depressing, I loved the place I worked at and it was completely worth being up here. I'm gonna miss the girls I worked with so much, but I'll always remember stuff that they've taught me. They helped me broaden my skills and learn more than I could have imagined about working with the lab animals. Some of them also taught me some other lessons about the work place as well, and here's some things I learned (Not necessarily word for word, but pretty close) :

-"There's no one better to work with than someone who is observant. They're the best."

-It's always good to help others by minimizing their workload."

-Be efficient.

"Make a little go a long way. Try to save the company some money. Maybe, just maybe, you'll get a raise. Or not."

-"It's okay to correct someone if they've done something wrong; It's not okay to be a negative bitch about it."

-"If you don't ask, no one can tell you no."

-On Fridays, do not sing Rebecca Black's song over the PA system, or the next thing you'll likely be singing is: "I'M FIRED, FIRED!!"

Monday June 20, 2011

Me and the girls I worked with having some fun at my internship, lol. They made the past five weeks fantastic for me and gave me an awesome last day full of fun, food, and

presents, I'm gonna miss them so much! =)

Sunday June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day!

A graphic I made out of boredom =)

Saturday June 18, 2011

I ventured out on Saturday and found Panera Bread <3 I couldn't resist, I was running out of food and it was right there =)
(Which reminds me, I'll also miss the food up here, a lot of their restaurants put Scranton food to shame: Mighty Taco, Cheeburger Cheeburger, their wings!)

Friday June 17, 2011

My new love, it may have been a mistake to buy this, I'm addicted haha =)

Random Fact/Thought of the Day:

One last thing I learned on my internship from my mentor who is Canadian/Jamaican. The stereotype is apparently true; for the most part, Jamaicans are really relaxed and laid back. In a quote from my mentor, "The world could be coming to an end, and we still won't have a care in the world." (P.S. She has thee coolest accent ever)

Project 365: Days 41-46;; Last weekend in Buffalo!

So, this is my last weekend in Buffalo, NY. I'm gonna miss my work and the people I got to work with soo much, but this area wasn't much to see. The people are unsocial and terrifying haha, can't wait to get back to Scranton with my family and friends =)<3

Thursday June 16, 2011

Taken at midnight Thursday, it's a little late for the eclipse and again I wish I had a better camera, but the full moon looked awesome =)

Wednesday June 15, 2011

The sunset this evening, wish I had a better camera, but trust me, it was beautiful =)

Tuesday June 14, 2011

This is my attempt at eating healthy for the next week.

Monday June 13, 2011

Continuing to be super bored up here, so I edited this picture of some trees from camping to OneRepublic lyrics =)

Sunday June 12, 2011

This was actually taken yesterday, but I just thought it was interesting =)

Saturday June 11, 2011

Explored the area and did some shopping and found a Christmas Tree Shops down here! =D

Random Fact/Thought of the day:
Scientists are beginning to make prosthetic body parts, like arms that can be controlled by the human mind. This has been shown to be great for veterans who have lost limbs in war, until the wrong person gets their hands on it, since there is a fear that this can lead to use in warfare and ultimately to the formation of fully functioning robots and real-life Frankensteins. This world and the people in it suck and make the future scary.

Project 365: Days 31-40;; Less than 2 weeks!!

Less than 2 weeks left!! Which is good cause I'm running out of pictures.

Friday June 10, 2011

The girls at work took me to this place called Mighty Taco for lunch, and it was amazingg! Their burritos put Taco Bell to shame! haha Too bad it's only in western NY

Thursday June 9, 2011

A picture I edited of two of my very good friends when I was bored =)

Wednesday June 8, 2011

A restaurant called Cheeburger Cheeburger that we went to for lunch =)

Tuesday June 7, 2011

The kitchen on my floor =)

Monday June 6, 2011

So bored, lots of candy haha =)

Sunday June 5, 2011

The other drink that's been helping to get me through the last few weeks =)

Saturday June 4, 2011

Rainy day and a giant tree? haha

Friday June 3, 2011

One of the drinks that's been getting me through this month =)

Thursday June 2, 2011

Buffalo Harley Davidson, the source of my dad's Father's Day present this year =)

Wednesday June 1, 2011

So this is what my meals have been consisting of the last couple weeks, lol

Quote of the Day:

So true Lady Gaga ;)

Project 365: Days 26-30;; What guys say= Blah, blah, bullshit

So I had quite an eventful weekend. I got back home Friday night, and it was then (or technically early Saturday morning), I realized all guys' minds seem to work the same. Really, where do you guys get off doing some stuff? I've gotten my mind f*cked and have gotten screwed over completely by three different guys in the last 5 months (and no, I am not a whore, they were just that good at messing with my feelings, leading me on, and screwing with my head.) The first two guys weren't much of a surprise to me, but the most recent scenario shocked

me a little.

So I met this guy a couple months ago, and I'll admit, I wasn't really attracted to him at first. Unlike all the other girls that like him, I didn't wanna jump on his dick just because he sings and plays guitar (pretty sure that's what the other girls are in it for). But time went by and I got to know him, talk to him, and hang out with him more, and I fell for him. The feeling seemed mutual. Well one night, he told me himself that the feeling was, indeed, mutual. So we hung out and talked and he initiated basically everything and led me on. He also knows I've been screwed over by jerks before and went into all this stuff about how he'd never want to hurt me blah, blah, bullshit. From what I knew about him before from talking to him, he was legit about this. He was truly a nice, funny, smart, and creative guy. That's right, that first word is NICE. That's rare. And this guy just seemed so fitting for me; we shared the same views on important stuff like relationships and religion, and shared quite a few past experiences that we could relate to each other on. And we liked the same music and we had a good amount in common, but not so much that it'd get boring. He just seemed like the perfect guy for me. You'd think that after you tell a guy you like him and he tells you he likes you, would never hurt you, and does absolutely everything to lead you on, then that's some dating potential, right? Wrong. I guess things are different nowadays, cause he contradicted himself completely and screwed me over. Third time's a charm?

Anyway, if there's any girls out there seeing this who've gone through the same bullshit, I'm sorry, because I know you probably feel like shit and you most likely don't deserve it. I'm pretty much sick of guys at this point, and I just plan on enjoying the summer single and having fun and, for once, just start caring about myself. Because evidently, people who are nice tend to get screwed over. A lot.

The only positive thing from this, is I guess I can thank him for further making me a stronger person, especially when it comes to dealing with jerks. Because the next time any guy tells me he likes me, he's gonna have to work his ass off to prove it to me, or it's not even worth it, cause I'm getting sick of it.

On a brighter note, I had a fun camping trip, and I even met the people who bought the house I grew up and lived in until I was 14, and they invited me down for a visit, so I'm sure that'll either be a very sad or a very happy visit. Hopefully the latter.

Anyway... on to the pictures of the weekend! =)

Tuesday May 31, 2011

The sign for University of Buffalo South Campus, where I stay and work =)

Monday May 30, 2011

So... my legs got burned...badd.

Sunday May 29, 2011

My best friend and I sitting on a stone wall in front of a mansion/ former juvenile facility/ former insane asylum near our campsite =)

Saturday May 28, 2011

My beautiful best friend walking along a pond at our campsite =)

Friday May 27, 2011

My GPS likes to take me on the scenic route, like rightt next to the Canadian border, lol =)

Random Thought of the Day:
When performing CPR, if you do chest compressions to the beat of the song "Staying Alive", it is a perfect timer on the beats per minute you should be getting.

Project 365: Day 25 ;;Heading to PA for the weekend!

Thursday May 26, 2011

And the boredom in Buffalo continues, now I've been reduced to taking pictures of my hallway haha =)

Hopefully there will be some more exciting pictures because I'm going back home for the long weekend! =D

Random Thought of the Day:
Lady Gaga's new album, Born This Way, is amazing =)<3

Project 365: Days 22-24

Photo of the Day: Wednesday May 25, 2011

Here's the view from the other side of my hall, from the lounge that just opened up yesterday =)

Tuesday May 24, 2011

Here's a picture of the Biomedical Education Building where I'm doing my internship, I love it because they call it BEB for short (my initials) and they have BEB posted alll over the place lol =)

Monday May 23, 2011

A picture of about half the dorm I'm staying in while in Buffalo =)

Random Thought/Quote of the Day:

"Well Jesus Christ I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after."
-Brand New